Lilac

Lilac, a photo by anxiousgeek on Flickr.

Myths

Myths

Popular myths of my own
are sunken in coal and crust
old myths owned by the throne
are written with pen, and paper, and gold.
They cannot be stolen or ruined
only told, mouth to ear, and on again.
Popular are the rumours of ash
bent nails and broken boards
I've told this tale once before,
I steal suits, lies and sex
add it to the sensation of the story.
It burns, this deception,
but it's all I have, these myths and legends.

r.l.w

Aberystwyth Olympic Torch Fail

The cauldron and the Cerdigion kids singing.

So yesterday the Olympic torch came to Aberystwyth.

I can't remember why I went to go and see the Olympic torch because by time it actually got into Aberystwyth I didn't care and would've gone home if I'd had to wait any longer. It was late, because someone had seemed to forget that it takes at least forty minutes to get from Aberaeron to Aberystwyth by bus, without stopping off in two villages to run for a mile.

As it turns out, whoever was in charge of organising the event in Aberystwyth couldn't organise a party in a brewery (or any other more impolite versions of that saying). Basically, they could've come and punched us all in the face and it would've been better. Mostly there was just sitting in a field listening to rubbish, and adverts. And at other points very little. Whoever did the sound needs a good kick in the pants too.

The presenter, who we were supposed to cheer for as he came on but we didn't even know who he was, couldn't say Aberystwyth properly, even though he could speak Welsh; which I found a bit odd. Then it became apparent that of everyone his pronunciation of Aberystwyth was the best. He tried to get us excited about David Beckham, but in a country where a) we prefer rugby and b) we don't like England, trying to get us even moderately interested in an ex-England footballer was never going to be a winning idea. We could here him clearly enough though, but as soon as the school choir started to perform we could barely hear anything they were saying/singing/performing.

We were a bit sedate for perhaps what they were expecting all round. There was a DJ, (a 'famous' one, but no necessarily a good one), who played 15 seconds worth of songs (royalty-free) and the bass was so loud it actually churned up my stomach. I wasn't at the front you know, we were some way back. He was there with Twist and Podge, who were actually called Twist and Pulse I think, and were there not to dance (like they are 'famous' for) but to sell us phones. For twenty minutes. I think there was dancing, I sat down again when I realised they were just shills for a phone company. Twist and Podge rambled on about the Olympics for a minute, tried to sell us some phones and did something that might've been dancing to music that had the bass turned up so loud it made it incomprehensible.

Besides the kids at the beginning and end (who performed again after the flame was lit and two-thirds of the audience had left), there was the bare minimum of Welshness about the event. No Wales flags, bar the one my fiancé had bought the day before in Aberaeron (where the torch was carried by a girl on a Welsh cob horse). Things were said in Welsh and English by the presenter, but it didn't really bring the Olympics to Wales, or to Aberystwyth, the entire event just tried to sell us stuff.

I mean pole dancing, really? Croeso Cymru pawb.

Okay so Kids In Glass Houses were good and from Wales (but still couldn't say Aberystwyth properly) and I do like their music and I enjoyed that. Plus the little kids I saw seemed to be enjoying themselves, but they had all had free fizzy drinks full of caffeine and were given inflatables by the phone company to hit each other with.

The flame was cool to see, and seeing the cauldron being lit, but it wasn't the experience it should've been. The presenter insisted we were now a part of history, but I was insulted, my friend was offended and the field it was held in was covered in 'freebies' from the companies that eighty percent of the crowd had left lying on the grass. I didn't feel like this was a history I wanted to be part of; history is made up of good and bad, and this, this was not good.

Creative is spelt wrong but the I appreciate the sentiment.

So thanks to Jennifer over at Completely Unoriginal Thoughts for giving me an award.

Here's what I have to do:

1. Thank and link back to the awarding blog.
2. Answer the 7 questions.
3. Provide 10 random factoids about yourself.
4. Award the 7 more deserving blogs.

The questions
What's you're favourite song?
My Hero by Foo Fighters, Staring At The Sun by Offspring and a few others that I can't think of off the top of my head.
 
What's you're favourite dessert?
Anything that goes with custard really. Or just custard.

Which do you prefer:  White or Whole Wheat?
Whole Wheat 

What do you do when you're upset?
Cry at the moment. I cry much more than I used to. Or I get anxious. Or both.

Which is your favourite pet?
At the moment, I'm not sure I could choose. The hamsters are certainly the cutest, the cat the most entertaining. The frog is the grumpiest. I had a dog called Danny when I was a kid,all through my teenage years, he was insane but brilliant. I do love dogs.

What is your biggest fear?
Becoming my father. Loosing the people I love.

What is your attitude, mostly?   
My attitude isn't necessarily negative or positive, it varies depending on my mood, though it is better than it used to be. I tend to have the attitude that the only people who's opinions that matter are the people I care about. Family, fiancé, friends. Everyone else can go whistle.

Ten random facts about me

1. I really like lettuce. A lot. 
2. I really don't like cats. I know I own one, but he's particularly stupid and entertaining. 
3. I believe in fate.
4. My current favourite TV show is Phineas and Ferb. 
5. I always want to fall asleep on trains. Put me on the train between Birmighan to Aberystwyth and I'll sleep for most of the journey and wake up a stop before I have to get off.
6. I really like Windows XP and didn't want to update to Windows Seven.
7. My fiancé calls me Bread
8. I have never fitted in anywhere. Turns out I couldn't even fit in with a bunch social misfits sci-fi geeks I couldn't fit in. I don't fit into fandoms online much either. I might have to make a blog post about this.
9. I burn really easily in the sun. I went through a phase where I was okay, but now even with factor 50 lotion I still go a bit red.
10. I am getting married in just over a month!

Another seven awesome blogs. Easy:

• Beverly Diehl's Writing In Flow 
• Everyday Underwear 
• Inky the hamster mommy 
• Limelight
• L.J. Writes
• Sweepy Jean
• Tales of the little princess 

Micky hugs

 

This weeks photo comes from my cat's tumblr. I know, the cat has a tumblr, I've become one of those people. But hopefully, people will realise that it's not a regular cat blog. Mostly cause Micky is evil and hates everyone. Except lady cats.

Inconsistency

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week.

I had this realisation the other day about the inconsistency of mental health symptoms.

It's hard to pin down all the different things that happen when you've got mental health problems, all the different symptoms. According to the NICE guidelines for the NHS, the symptoms for Borderline Personality Disorder are as follows;

    • having emotions that are up and down (for example, feeling confident
    one day and feeling despair another), with feelings of emptiness and
    often anger
    • difficulty in making and maintaining relationships
    • having an unstable sense of identity, such as thinking differently about
    yourself depending on who you are with
    • taking risks or doing things without thinking about the consequences
    • harming yourself or thinking about harming yourself (for example,
    cutting yourself or overdosing)
    • fearing being abandoned or rejected or being alone
    • sometimes believing in things that are not real or true (called delusions) or
    seeing or hearing things that are not really there (called hallucinations).

To be diagnosed with BPD (or as it's now known in some places - Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) you need to suffer with five of the seven symptoms. At any one time though, I have suffered from just one to all seven (bad times) or just one. Following this list of symptoms the NICE guideline also points this out;

"Some of those people may also have other conditions such as depression, anxiety (feelings of worry or fear that can be difficult to control), an eating disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder or bipolar disorder, or problems with drugs and alcohol."

And this is just one disorder. All these different symptoms and additional disorders all wrapped up into one mind, not always happening at once, not always happening at all.

That inconsistency makes it hard to get diagnosed, get treatment (the right medication, the right therapy, the right care), hard to get benefits (something the government makes harder on top of that). Hard for people to understand. How can someone so upbeat one day, or dressed and made up, or focused and motivation be the complete opposite of that the next day, the next week, at all? Some days I can barely contain my anxiety enough to get out of bed, or to leave the flat.


It add to all the trouble the regular set of symptoms can cause. Afraid to go somewhere cause it's new? Oh but then whoever you're meeting doesn't understand that and won't change the appointment, or can't, or just thinks you're being stupid, or silly or strange. I've had a few problems over the years, less than most however. Getting benefits was hard, uni is hard to manage, getting the right medication and the right therapy (I was getting therapy but at the Eating Disorder Clinic in Leicester and the ED was not my biggest problem).

Things have settled, improved, but the inconsistency of it still trips me up.