Iambic Pentameter

Firstly I love poetry. That's probably pretty obvious. I read it, I write it, it's all over my life now. I've written all sorts of poetry; freeverse, sonnets, sestinas. Poetry about my family, my life, sex, politics, animals and aliens.

Secondly I'm not an idiot. I'm not a genius, maybe I'm not even that smart, but I'm certainly not an idiot. I manage well enough at university. Hell most of my problems with education aren't because I'm stupid, but because my mental health problems get in the way.

Anyway, the point of this was to make sure you're aware that I love poetry and I'm not an idiot. But, but, if there is one thing in this world that makes me feel stupid it's iambic pentameter.

For those who don't write or read poetry, iambic pentameter is basically the rhythm of the poem, five stresses in each line, usually ten syllables (but that's not a fixed rule), the rhythm of the line going 'ta-tum, ta-tum, ta-tum, ta-tum, ta-tum'. It's actually the perfect meter for the English language, as it naturally fits the way we talk, a lot of poets use it. A lot.

I don't.

Now, it's not because I don't understand this concept, actually, I've been taught about meter and feet a couple of times, I get it. I really, really get it.

I can't write it.

Like, really, really can't write it.

I get the concept, I promise you, the problem I have is the stresses. I don't hear a lot of them. Some are obvious, I can hear them in the sounds and in my head, like ham-ster, pen-ta-me-ter, though I could be wrong on that, cause I'm just not sure at all. If the stresses are really 'effing obvious, then I just can't hear it. Like the word obvious; where is the stress in that word? And how comes everyone else seems to know and I can't figure it out? I just don't see it, hear it, know it and it makes me feel really stupid.

I can't remember any physics, I always have to think when I have to tell the difference between left and right, doing a sudoku seems to render me incapable of counting from one to nine, small sums seems to trip me up a bit and I can't tell the time on a watch without all the numbers on the face, but none of that makes me feel stupid. But trying to write iambic pentameter makes me want to huddle up in the corner cowering in fear of my own idiocy.

I've yet to find someone who's successfully managed to explain to me how they know which stresses are which and where in every single bloody word. Because without knowing, I just can't write an iambic pentameter.

Instead I started writing this in my lecture on poetry this week:

He used to beat me to the rhythm
of an iambic pentameter
but I never knew which poem
he was reciting in his mind
as he bruised mine

Unfinished, but that's kinda how I felt on Monday, beaten around the head with iambic pentameter, especially as one of the tasks this week was to write some blank verse (un-rhyming iambic pentameter). I don't think I'll even bother trying again, I'll just go to my seminar with my anti-iambic pentameter poem.